Picking up the Pieces

So, here I am one week removed from my now-public-blow-up and still trying to pick up the pieces of my spiritual life.

Envy. Guilty.
Malice. Guilty.
Pride. Guilty.

And then there are all of the "ins and uns,"--insensitive, inconsiderate, inappropriate, intolerable, un-Christlike, un-called for, unspiritual, un-leader-like.

On the one hand, I know that my brothers and sisters have forgiven me. I know that Christ has forgiven me. I know that my sins, which are many, are under the blood of the living stone who is Christ the Lord. I know and rejoice that I have friends who love me and love Christ so much that they desire to find a way to love me after I lost my cool. But on the other hand ...

I just feel so dirty. Theologically, intellectually, I know that I am forgiven. Existentially, I disgust myself.

So Sunday I spoke to the congregation about the beauty of the body of Christ that is being built up as living stones into a holy priesthood. I exhorted the congregation to not follow my example of Tuesday when I dishonored my friend, but instead to follow the implications of 1 Peter 2:4-8 and count one another as fellow members of the bride of Christ, viewing one another as choice and precious in the sight of God. If I had been more consicously aware of that truth on Tuesday morning, I would have shown honor and respect to my co-worker.

We need to hear the body speak for we are all priests to our God. And the body spoke. Two members of the congregation showed me the way to pick up the pieces. One reminded me that what I had confessed on Sunday morning in the service was the reason Christ came--to be a savior of sinners. Then another brother came and reminded me that though they appreciated my honesty, they thought it unwise to only refer to myself as "a wicked man." They exhorted me to also affirm that I am also a "redeemed man, a new man in Christ, and servant of the living God."

So that's where I am today. Newly aware of my need for a savior, celebrating again that though there are still cesspools of darkness in my soul, I have been redeemed, and God is making me into a new man in Christ. The body of Christ is truly an amazing thing!