Monday, February 11, 2008

Many Have Requested

Many have requested some of the books I mentioned at the start of Sunday's message and so I thought I would post the titles here.

God as Father: When Your Own Father Failed, by David Powilson
Memories of an Ordinary Pastor: The Life and Reflections of Tom Carson, by D.A. Carson
Craftsmen: Skillfully Leading Your Family for Christ, by John Crotts
Never Walk Away: Lessons on Integrity from a Father Who Lived It, Crawford W. Loritts, Jr.
Fathers and Sons Stand Fast in the way of truth, by Douglas Bond
A Call to Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers, by D.A. Carson

Men, these are books that will both challenge and inspire you to live on a higher plain for Christ. We need both. We need to be challenged about those areas where we are falling short and we need encouragment and inspiration to continue to battle. Pick one of these books and begin to read it. You won't have any regrets in the investment.


Anonymous said...

How can NSC teach men to be better leaders of the home? What I mean is this, my husband is a great teacher when it comes to teaching at church. He is a great mentor when it comes to a teenage boy of another family. He's too hard on his other children but has all the encouragement for the other children of NSC. When it comes to his own family, his own children, his mentoring, teaching, guiding, encouraging and of the sort is parked outside the driveway . . . under the car.

I am tired of picking up the slack for the things he needs to do. He tells me that he will but it never gets done. His son is CRYING OUT for his teachings to become a godly man but is not being taught. His son has confronted him about that only to be yelled at and say that he is not allowed to confront his dad. I have been told the same thing, to not confront him as well.

I feel that a married man and father should not go out and be that leader, teacher, mentor, etc, unless he leads his own family first!

You have those books that are being recommended, maybe one of those can be Sunday school material or get some other material but my stress is reaching its peak and I'm exhausted!

...and he seems to be taking it easy.

ChosenRebel said...

Thanks for the comment. I hear this kind of thing from women in every locale that I speak at and in every church that I speak at--passive men, good at looking good outside their home but pansies when it comes to the tought nuts and bolts issues of leading their families.

A couple of suggestions:
1. Keep praying. God loved David in part I think, because of the frequency and depth of his tears.

2. Keep working at developing the skill of nurturing your husband's slightest impulses and adventures in leading. The failures as well as the successes. Many guys have fragile egos and need people to keep believing in them when they fall short or they just give up.

3. Since I take it that you attend NSC, encourage your man to come to the men's minsitry meetings once a month. Nothing is perfect but this group is making headway in helping men begin to step up.

4. Fight the temptation to complain to about your man to others. Eph. 4:29 applies here. A principle of growth might be stated this way, "Whatever we focus on inevitably grows over time." Focus on his successes, in your heart and at your mouth. He will grow toward your admiration. He will run from your disdain.

5. Buy one of these books for him and ask him to read it to you. [I would recommend Fathers and Sons by Bond.] Bite your tongue when the book advocates in the area of his weakness (this could quickly become nagging) and trust the Spirit to grow you both as you discover new ways to lead your family together.

6. Talk to Ed Schoenleber [men's ministry coordinator] about the idea of a training time for men.

7. Remember that your pastor is praying for you and your man even though I don't have a clue who you might be.

Anonymous said...

My comments to your suggestions - -

#1. I do and I will keep on. At times though, I do get discouraged because sometimes it feels as though God is not answering but I know it comes in His own timing. Please pray for me about that.

#2. I will but let me say that there is nothing wrong with his ego. That may sound a bit rough but really, his ego is fine or he's a fantastic actor.

#3. He goes faithfully and has been going for a long time and yet no stepping up, well, maybe a step or two.

#4. I do not talk to others about him because I don't want others to think either I am gossiping about my husband or they may lose their respect for him. I certainly don't want that for him at all. I ask my pastors for counsel and in doing so, I know I will get good Biblical advice and suggestions.

#5. I will and I do bite my tongue often and I truly try to encourage him (even though at times it is so difficult). He has quite a few books that I have purchased for him and I have asked him first before buying them. He's never read any of them.

#6. Thank you, I'll give that a try.

#7. Thank you, thank you!

You know what is so sad about this is that my son goes to me for advice and does not want to go to his father for fear of being knocked down or corrected for his way of thinking. I know that I'm not a great role model either but the kids know and do come to me to talk about anything and that I will apologize to them about the stupid mistakes and bad examples I have shown and I have. Talk about eating a big piece of humble pie. They are so forgiving!

ChosenRebel said...

We will keep praying and working toward a godly pattern for all the men of New Song.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone Anon #1. Feed your own soul with God's word. Continue to be there for your kids and NEVER belittle your husband to them (not that I think you are, but sometimes the temptation is great).

Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous who responded to Anon #1, I would NEVER belittle my dear husband to my kids and NEVER have. I let them see the respect and love I have for their dad. I look for Biblical counsel for myself on how I, as his wife, should handle it. I want to be doing whatever the Lord says I should do. Yet this is one place that I can ask the pastor for advice as well. And since I know that others may read this, I send it anonymously.

Thank you for praying.